It's hard to describe...

 ...what I feel as I wander as a zombie, tear swollen and alone, around this room; the space, with eachother, we've shared and cultivated an atmosphere of 'together'.
I'm not sure of the sensation i get when I open his drawer to put away that laundry we finished before he left, and see the random items of clothing he left behind.

It's quiet.

I can't describe the quiet, but to say that it's a loud noise, comprised of millions of dull little peices of a solemnest silence - and the whirr of a ceiling fan spinning around. And around. And around.
Our dog has curled his tiny furry body into a peanut-like shape and tucked in his little head. And situated it into a nest on the other side of the bed.

I can't explain the feeling of knowing that he's hundreds of miles away from me. Physically. Over water. Moving farther.
I hear the sentiments that it will get easier,

The time will fly like lightning,
The distance is exciting,
And your spirits are what keeps the bodies strong til reuniting.

I hear the those sentiments and more
Like, at least he's in a safer place than before.
Than the last time
At least it's a shorter period of alone time,
Merely pass time

But that's comforting until i'm here alone.
And I realize that the person i've become is no longer made of one.

He truly is my other half.

He makes me laugh so hard i start to cry
And rub my eyes and start to sneeze
He makes me weak beneath my knees

With joy and love and warmth and now he's gone.
At least for now he's gone.

For now.

And I'll keep wandering around this room.
And wondering what this feeling looming in my heart and head and soul could be.

It's that Finally...
I've found the missing part of me.

But for 6 months I've got to see it from a panoramic.
I love a man
Who's soul is enigmatic.
I've got a love that's pure magic

So it is as it is
And until then i'll keep making the bed.
Writing him poetry
Taking long walks
Hoping fate will be good to me.
Clearing my head,
Singing my songs,
And hoping this time will be shorter than long

And before i know it, he'll be filling this space with his amazing grace and his loving face and I won't be so lost to describe how i feel.
Anymore.

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